God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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