is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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