I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
