i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
