I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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