Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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