Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
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