So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
