i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
