im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
