Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I bet he comes in French.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
