my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
