there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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