i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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