he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
