Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
