Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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