hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
