Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
