This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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