She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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