I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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