Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
