when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
