im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
