explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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