dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
