totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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