And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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