He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
