i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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