yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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