No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
