I will die if light touches me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
