I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
