Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
