I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
