Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The power of my boobs compel you
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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