you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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