He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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