Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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