If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
3 2 1 whiskey
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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