Soap is not a condiment
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
