i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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