Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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