Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
