it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i came on her dog
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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