She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
