My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
