just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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