btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
