Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We need to get me chipped asap
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
