Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will pee on everything he values.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
