That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
