Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
